party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
