end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I CAN MOONWALK!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
