How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
