dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize