She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize