there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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