so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i came on her dog
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
