dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
