bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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