okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
