What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
