Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
