Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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