I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
