Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
