Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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