One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
