Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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