My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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