The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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