He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
