That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
