Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We need a shit load of segways right now
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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