Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it was like eating out sand paper
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
