Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
