what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
