don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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