My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
