it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
