He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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