i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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