Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
