He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
