so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
