I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
