im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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