They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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