im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sober January is a disaster.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize