chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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