Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
