I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
