Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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