Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
