Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
