dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We left the knife in your bed.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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