We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
