I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
