Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
