you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
