i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
