K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
