The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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