Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
