I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
