That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
