so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What drink are we having for lunch?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
