My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
