we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
