Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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