1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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