YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
