are you so shy because you have an std?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
