can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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