Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
