You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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