She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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