I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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