obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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