Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
