already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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