party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
