The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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